Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Ramadhan. Day 1

Day 1.

Failed. Tewas. Defeated. Last Ramadhan, my performance was absolutely the worst, ever. So I vowed that this Ramadhan, I would definitely give my best. Needless to say, on Day 1, I failed to do so. Why? What happened? I succumbed to the one thing that I felt was the most difficult for me to defeat. Anger.

I was so angry with my brother, that I banged the wall with my hands, shouted at the top of my lungs, screamed like a mad man, and the mood when we all sat down for buka puasa was so gloomy. It was like everyone could see a definite aura that brought everyone's mood down. There was no feeling of glory, or triumph, for all of us, had managed to sit down together, with food laden on the table, eating to our hearts content when at some other parts of the world, someone's child is crying, because there are starving to death.

The disappointment was overwhelming. I figured that maybe it would be better if someone could punch me in the face. At least that would make me feel better. I began to think, maybe if I'm not here, I would appreciate my family more. I would be the best daughter, or the best sister in the world to my family, when I am not home. Maybe it's time to go back to Putrajaya. But, but...... When I give another thought about it, my parents are not that well. They are old, and they need someone to watch over them. While I'm here, being at home only once a year (and last year I was only home for 14 days, and did not return for another 11 months, I felt guilty for this) I should make the best of my time, to look after them. Though it's not much, I admit, I do not help them that much, but my presence, makes a huge difference. I realized that.

So, another day, another ramadhan. May the next days to come are filled with even better things. Ramadhan only comes once a year, and who knows, maybe it is our last Ramadhan?

Erni Bidin.
Mersing, Johor.
2 Ramadan.

1 comment:

mimyliana said...

Salam erni,

Hope things are better now, insyaallah. Ramadhan ada lagi banyakkkkk hari insyaallah, lets make the best out of this blessed month. Nini Allah loves you :)

Sy harap awak ad kat sini, tapi takpe rejeki yang Allah bagi tu yg terbaik kan insyaallah.
:)